The aftermath of a magical experience

Time to get down to the real work!

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And here I’m, finally taking the step to conclude the experiences that have been opened since the ceremonies in Malta. Life has flipped upside down and brought opportunities that I wouldn’t have seen coming when I was writing the previous chapter... But first and foremost close the story of that weekend before I dive into the integration work and the aftermath. The weekend isn’t finished yet!

Well, now I guess it is clear that the experiences during the ceremonies were really deep and expanding. It was hard work and a complete new experience! Although I was glad when they called out to clear everybody individually. I got up, not really sure how this was going to go. Both the ladies in front of the space and the group were getting ready and they noticed that I was a little bit all over the place in energy! Hahaha, I can still see and feel how I went to the front for my cleansing.

God, I can have so much fun laughing with myself.

So I went up, got my cleansing, got some help to put my feet back on the ground and sat down to wait for the closing of the ceremony and getting ready for sharing our gifts that we had to prepare for this weekend.

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The request was to bring something  you would like to give to somebody else, but it had to be something that had a story, something that you already had and wanted to let go of.

Now I got this message very shortly before leaving the house in Spain to catch my flight to Malta around 5am in the morning. So I had to be quick to make a choice.
Usually when I travel for a long time, I like to wake up early and take my time for a hot beverage and a smoke. While sitting on my desk I heard a voice calling me to pick up my tiger eye (crystal). Which was very unique to me. This stone was the last of 2 stones that were given to me by my mom when I was 18 years old. Right when my “awakening” started… This stone helped me a lot with channeling my fire energy and it helped me to balance out energy within and work on my solar plexus when things got intense or difficult.

Now this stone told me that it was time to let go… It was time to trust that I’m able to handle my own energy without its help. To be honest there was definitely some resistance to let go of this companion that has been a part of my journey for so long. On the other hand it meant a great deal. Time to embrace a deeper trust in myself and give the opportunity to somebody else to have this precious stone in their hands to have assistance with their own energy.

There was plenty of time before we started to share our gifts and the story of each gift that was shared. I took my time to thank the stone, to give it a little prayer and give it some extra support and love before I gave it to the person it was meant for. She was very grateful, so far I haven’t seen her back. Although the news reached my ears that she has been doing great with the hardship and challenges that she has been facing at this current time in her life. So it feels really amazing to hear this and I’m curious to see her again and hear all about her time after that weekend! Which will happen one of these days.

Everybody got up and shared hugs and good wishes for the next year that just opened up. 2024 was in the house and what a way of crossing the bridge of a new year with such a ceremony…

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People started to walk around again, there was still a fire going outside, where many gathered to talk and relax. Some people were working very hard on the food in the kitchen! Which came in as such an epic meal with a variety of healthy solutions to make our bellies happy.

For hours we kept on talking, enjoying the fire and sharing our stories and experiences. Until midday we enjoyed the rays of a warm winter sun and took our time after the journeys through the nights of this past weekend.

During this coziness, the cleaning started spontaneously. A little bit later I managed to get into a hot shower and dove in bed to get some well deserved rest. It was a long weekend, even though nothing really heavily physical happened that weekend for work. I was exhausted! So many barriers that have been broken and steps that have been taken through very discomfortable layers during this weekend. So some good rest was more than welcome.

After getting back out of bed some people already left the place to go celebrate new years with friends or family. Other people had a hard time going home, because it was just too cozy with very nice company. What a lovely bunch of people… I couldn’t believe the sensation of such unconditional love and acceptance amongst a group of people, like I witnessed during this weekend. Yet not even realizing how much insight that this would give me when I was going back into my old routine in Spain. I stayed for one more day in Malta to catch some rest before I took my plane back to Madrid. 

The morning after our last day with the group, all of us were really tired. Some people even got sick and were forced to rest, unable to do anything. To me this was just perfect, because it allowed me to sit with myself and go for some short walks to catch some fresh air. The first thing that morning was going out and smoking a cigarette. Which has led me to smoke one after another… And found myself purging a lot of grief and sadness over the changes that I have been going through these past years and then the opportunity to close such a crazy cycle in this way on new year’s eve... Around my marriage, personal things that have been holding me back for as long as I can remember, and new things to come into clarity.

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Now I’m writing this part of the story almost 2 months later over several days.
Like now even realizing that it only has been two months, kind of doesn’t match the experience in real time, like moving life times of stuff over a short periode of time to compress it back into this one experience at this current moment. I’ve been going through really weird experiences, discovering new senses opening up, perceiving the subtle layers of energy way easier than I used to, seeing things visually with a clarity I have never seen before through my third eye (this is still not fully clear) and learning how to interact with these senses. At the same time trying to implement the connection with the divine energy that flowed through me during the ceremony which went hand in hand with the clearing of deep old patterns and discovering the roots and sources of certain emotions that I identified with for a very long time. And so were and essential element in recreation of cycles of experiences in my daily life. Created unconsciously for multiple reason.

And not to forget, starting a new life in Malta and settling down for now after almost three years of traveling and leaving everything behind in Belgium since May 2021. I took myself as far as possible out of the system to the point that I actually need to get back in for my papers to be in order and get things settled! Another lens of perspective on life to change. Let’s see how I will implement all I have learned over the past years in a new routine.

Source: https://www.myfreedomwithin.com/freedomwithin

At the same time I also need to express my deep gratitude for Sabri Gazail… Who invited me to join the opening of his mastermind course for the coming six months.
And what a timing… A little bit more on that later!

Curious about Sabri’s work?
Check out his
Youtube @Lost&Found Podcast
Instagram @Sabri Gazail
Mastermind course @FreedomWithin

The intention of this blog is to give other people kind of a honest and raw perspective on integration after such experiences with traditions in healing with plants and simply having conscious expanding experiences that surpass our physical reality. And what to do with it in daily life. Which is, to me, ultimately the real work after ceremonies or dieta.

Which gives a person two options, the long and powerful, but very difficult option to figure it all out by himself/herself, or two, when the right environment is present with a good community and guidance within this process. You can accelerate and work very efficiently through these deep experiences and even get more out of it than when you would have to do everything by yourself without such a community or guidance. Just you and the plants… Which was my way for a very long time…

Now everything has been so crazy that I don’t even know how to bring it all together. It is so much information and details that have been woven together in such a remarkable and gorgeous, brilliant way that one can only deeply understand this through personal experiences. And so as it goes for expressing this in written words. I can only share a perspective that allows others to scratch the surface of this work that anybody can open up, if they really want to.

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So back to the story!

The evening of my last day, I was given something nice to smoke. And God, I’m really not used to smoking cannabis anymore. Every time, since last summer, she comes in harder and stronger than ever. The only difference now, and definitely after Ayahuasca, is that it simply opens a portal just like Ayahuasca and it opens all my senses in ways I wasn’t able to perceive last year. This is a major change for me, stepping into this world of “plant medicines” out of curiosity with a very skeptical perspective coming from an Atheistic background. And watching back now to the days I started to grow my own mushrooms around my 18, being 34 now. The change in perspective is worlds apart… And not to compare Cannabis with Ayahuasca, they are very different. Only to me now all of them open door through their own unique spirit and frequency.

The morning after I needed to get out of bed really early for the early flight back to Madrid. With something little left over to smoke I couldn’t let it be and went for another sticky that was way stronger than expected. My lovely host came down to say goodbye, shared an epic dessert with me to have it with my coffee in the airport. I kind of flew through the airport… Enjoyed the dessert with huge enthusiasm. And I wasn’t even really present once I went on to the boarding gate. Like the journey was a dream, walking through daily life and at the same time being present in all these different layers around me with full awareness. Like a resonance of the divine energy that flowed through my system during the last ceremony. Only carrying a slight change in energy because I used another key, like… Cannabis. Definitely a big challenging teacher that tests the capacity for focus that one can cultivate.

Now the journey was a dream and arriving back in Toledo was warm and I was happy to continue to rest in my own bubble. Not yet realizing that I was standing before a door that would flip everything upside down once again.

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The first week was ok, I took my time to relax and was still vibrating on the Maltese magical energy. But later old patterns started to come back into awareness, that I thought I already processed multiple times and in different layers. Showing up to me, “Aaah yet you still have to see this, the last drops like you would wring out every last bit of water from a towel”.  Now this is interesting, looking back to see how we recycle certain energies, patterns, habits, experiences into our daily experiences. Just to learn similar lessons on deeper levels until we get the core of the lesson. And now showing up in different relationships, like with myself, family, friends, intimate relationships… All different perspectives playing out with similar energies in essence to have an experience.

Now I feel that I’m really bringing a lot of lessons together from a long journey including the past years. That is by itself the point that brings together many topics, questions and experiences over my whole lifetime… So what is now supposed to happen?

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First there has been all this work on the inside and outside for many years, I opened the doors of perception, including another layer of infinite doors (hahaha), now starting in a different country (paperwork, jeehj!) and build something new for the future.

The upcoming weeks became gradually more and more discomfortable by going through these old patterns and belief systems, which was the moment that Sabri came in with his invitation for the mastermind course. I just dropped my work, website, social media, basically rounding up everything that was connected to the old story to review everything and work my stuff out for a fresh start.

Which was not as easy as I had hoped in Spain. Also, even after years in Peru, my Spanish is still not the best and would make it difficult to find a normal job in Spain. My roommate had the idea to even fake a relationship to get my residency. Haha, which didn’t happen, after sharing what I was going through myself I was offered to come to Malta and give it a try here. Which of course would flip things around again and offer a clean sheet for a new chapter. Just to witness how all of this has been coming together is just brilliant… The wonders of our universe and how everything happens for us instead of thinking and holding on to the idea the universe works against us.

Now a brief look back on this time and seeing how the support of Sabri and our community at Freedom Within, really held me and guided me efficiently through these roughest weeks. Gave me the opportunity to go even deeper and finally get to the roots of things I have been working on for years. The changes have been very strong, week by week, it was undeniably powerful. Simply because someone else was holding space with greater knowledge and wisdom that could show me certain directions that didn’t come to my awareness at first.

With Sabri we started a journey through our main chakras to clear things out, opening things up, recollecting things from our essence that we separated from and in that way we work ourselves upwards to the crown chakra. No fluff, a healthy, gentle and warm guidance, yet strict and clear straight forward! Really curious to see how these will continue.

Now this is a great example of how different it can be when you compare integration work by yourself or with a coach in the right community can be a world of difference.
As well for a nice environment around you. Often people return to a old routine where many don’t understand such experience and so it limits a person to be able to express what they are going through. Like me, now being here amongst many people that are doing similar work, the support is strong and held with a lot of grace. It’s a world of difference. Even besides the idea of working within the holistic branch and chasing the mysteries of life, the Amazon and etheric realms. A community to share these things with is amazing and good to check your own sanity. I mean it’s nice to find like minded people that share personal experiences without the need to explain myself everywhere and why I do what I do. I could say that this place really feels like home. Even though that I still need to look for a fixed place to settle down. Who knows what else Malta will reveal in the near future.

Now, like mentioned before I dropped everything connected to the past, to rebuild everything. Now I need the clarify for myself on how things will unfold further. It’s clear that plants are a main element in the work that I will continue to do. We’ll see how the rest will be filled in through what the universe has to offer and bring into my life’s experience. The connection to my holistic coaching will go more directly into working with plants at the same time and also having a normal job on the side for now. The chance is, most likely, that my online presence will be more irregular for a while from now on until I’m better settled and found the clarity. Nevertheless feel free to send me an email (sapito.coaching@gmail.com) if you would like to get in touch or reach out in the comments of this blog!

But for now there is no more website, only Substack here and I might pick up my podcast again too somewhere in March. Still need to release two episodes with Ben from the Ben’s Zen Den and Solarah! Both wonderful people to follow on Substack.
So go and check out their profiles!

Ben

Solarah

Now what else can I share around the long silence..

I’ll save the energy and keep most details to myself for now a lot is still in process. So I rather share when it is clear and integrated. For now I know nothing and already a lot at the same time. The future is unknown, although it feels very juicy and joyful. It will most definitely continue to push me out of my temporary comfort zones to continue to grow and develop my own thing in life that is directed to guide and help others that want to connect with plants and want to work on their own journey back to themselves.

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So hereby I conclude the words that I wanted to share about my first experience with Malta and all the changes that have been going on… I start to see and understand now what a proper rebirth means and how far one is capable of growth and change. We are capable of so much more, more than we ever can imagine…

More and more, I start to find a deep curiosity and enthusiasm for the way forward, even not knowing how it will look, uncomfortable feelings and challenges will definitely arise again only now I start to approach them with a completely new perspective and awareness that I’m still adapting to and will continue to explore.

Wish you all well, lots of love and gratitude as always!
Nick